Welcome to the Sex Positive Blog Hop!

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Hello, and welcome to the Sex Positive Blog Hop!

Over the course of the last few months, I have seen an increasing number of different folks coming under fire for their choices. Two of these are the sweet couple of Jesse Jackman and Dirk Caber. As gay porn stars, they get a lot of crap, most often in the guise of being reported to Facebook.

It was once such instance that first gave me the idea for this blog hop. I got kind of pissed and went off on my own Facebook timeline over it, which even got Jesse’s attention (wow!). I was simply getting tired of people telling me what I should or shouldn’t look at, what I should or shouldn’t read or watch. And it came down to this:

What I do/want/read/watch is no one’s business but my own.

That’s a big part of the problem these days. It’s simply no one’s business. Yet so many people make it their business. Who I fuck behind closed doors has absolutely zero impact on your life (unless it’s you or, perhaps, your spouse or kid).

But that brought me around to another thought. Sex is such a ridiculously hot-button topic. Somehow, just the subject makes people start freaking out, jumping up and down, tearing at their hair, and foaming at the mouth. Don’t do this. Don’t do it with that person. Don’t like it this much. Don’t… don’t… don’t…

Except, we come back to the same idea. None of that should matter to anyone but me and my partner.

Women are told for years that sex is something so insanely special that they absolutely must save it for that one particular guy (note, here, that this seems to be most prevalent toward women marrying men. Apparently, lesbians are already so far gone, they don’t count. *eyeroll*). In fact, there was a pretty big xojane article about how bad this can fuck someone up. And not in the fun way.

Sex is sex. We have to stop stigmatizing it. We have to stop telling people they’re bad/wrong/anything for liking it or sharing it or filming it. It simply is.

Yes, it’s intimate, or can be. It can also be light, fun, and just something enjoyable. It can feel different depending on the emotions you have toward your partner. But we’ve got to stop coloring any sex that doesn’t fit in specific, prescribed boxes, as wrong.

The only exception to this is rape, which doesn’t even count. That isn’t sex. That’s violation and assault and a whole different kettle of fish.

In the years since I’ve started writing about two men in love, I’d discovered a lot of assumptions about “gay men” when it comes to sex. (Like they can all be lumped together anyway. Ugh.) There seems to be some pretty awful stereotypes associated with them and I find it both disturbing and frustrating. I’ve heard everything from the idea that they all fuck anything that moves (which, really, is their choice, isn’t it?) to the discussion on whether or not one will ever take it up the ass or will only ever give it (I know WAY more switches than I do anything else and thanks to my profession, I know an inordinately large number of gay men). But they’re all assumptions which we as gay romance writers have to constantly battle. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve read a reader or reviewer comment somewhere that “gay men don’t do (x).”

Well, I hate to break it to you, sister, but I’m sure someone does somewhere. Not that it matters. It’s none of your business anyway. It’s his and his partner’s.

Because so what if they do? So what if two men who are committed discover they enjoy bringing others into their bed? If they’re happy with it, why does it matter to anyone else?

I got some pretty bad crap over Deception. I heard from more than one person how awful it was that Bathasar and Teman could possibly bring Cyrus and Nadir into their relationship. Well, they did. THEY were fine with it. Yes, they struggled with it throughout the book—that was part of the point—but they figured it out in the end, realized they all loved each other in some way or another, and were happy with it. Who are we to say that’s not right?

I’m not saying you have to go out and rush into a polyamorous relationship. It’s not for everyone. Just don’t put someone else down for it. It’s their life and their choice.

So, this is where we argue that it teaches our children bad things. But that assumes it’s bad to begin with. Our kids are a lot smarter than we give them credit for. And a lot more independent than we’d like them to be. Hope Ryan will comment more on this in her post on the 22nd. But for now, I want to simply remind parents that whether you like it or not, your kids are going to think about sex. They’re probably going to try it long before you’re ready for them to. In the end, it’s up to you. But what I’ll say here is that trying to suppress what they do is going to cause a lot more damage than the possible risks of them exploring on their own.

I’m not sure even I understand completely why it’s the humongous deal it is. I get part of it is religion. I get that there is something incredibly intimate about it, depending on a lot of things. Part of it is, no doubt, the misogynistic society, built up over centuries to promote the importance of the male form, reproduction and the purity of genetics.

But in the end, I don’t believe it gives anyone the right to disparage anyone else’s choices. They’re their choices, not yours. If you have the right to make your own, then they have the right not to be insulted for theirs.

 

SexySnippetSunday

“What’s wrong, baby?” Chance asked.

Patrick lay against Chance, who was playing with the long black strands of his hair, and rubbed his face. “I’m… not looking forward to it. I mean… I don’t even care about being naked anymore. Or… the things that’ll show. I mean, I’m not happy about it,” he added to make sure Chance understood he didn’t want to share his body with millions of viewers. Patrick felt Chance nod. “But…. Fuck, I reacted to him—even if it was only a little—from that kiss. What the hell is going to happen tomorrow?”

CHANCE LEANED in and kissed the top of Patrick’s head, choosing his words carefully. A rerun of their show played in silence on the television, but he ignored it. He had his own reservations about the scene in question, though many less than the ones he’d have over the scenes Patrick would have with Rhys. Chance still had a feeling something more was there on Rhys’s side of things, despite Patrick’s assurances, and he didn’t like the idea of those two in any sort of intimate situation.

But Angelo was different. Chance knew Angelo had his own lover—someone he was very much in love with, for that matter, if what he’d seen was any indication. Angelo may even react to Patrick, but he would still go home with Sebastian, and it wouldn’t change how he felt. “Remember what Angelo said after your kiss?”

Patrick nodded. “Yeah. I’d have to be dead not to—especially since I like men.”

“Exactly. Not everything we respond to physically makes sense emotionally. I mean….” He paused to think it through. “Take porn, for instance. Sometimes we watch stuff—and get turned on by it—when we’d never do it in real life. You’re not going to go fuck Angelo, but having your dick rubbed, getting kissed like that—yeah, that’s going to turn you on.”

Chance watched Patrick play with a frayed edge of the cushion. “I don’t like it.”

“I’d be bothered if you did. But that’s part of what makes this okay. You don’t like that you react.” He dropped a kiss on the top of Patrick’s head, then buried his face in Patrick’s hair and inhaled. His own dick twitched, as it did anytime he took the time to stop and smell Patrick. He loved the man’s scent, loved the mix of cologne and Patrick that filled him.

“What if… what if I… uh… come?”

Chance almost didn’t hear it, the question was so quiet. His first reaction was then I will fucking kill Angelo. But he knew he needed to temper that. Patrick wasn’t at fault here. He was trying to deal with something Chance could only begin to imagine. And Patrick was, obviously, quite scared of Chance’s reaction to it. He took a deep breath—Patrick’s scent filling him again—and finally could speak. “First, it is extremely rare that an actor actually comes during the scene. I’m sure it’s not unheard of, but it’s rare. But with the way some of the scenes have been on TV lately, I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s way more than fake humping going on. I don’t know what Jack is really going to get you to do. I don’t know what he’s going to try to push. But listen… if that’s what Jack wants, if Angelo’s okay with things, then do what you have to—whatever that is—just do it, to get it done, okay?”

When Patrick didn’t respond, Chance tried another tack. “Think about this… porn stars have to react to physical stimuli, right? They obviously don’t love everyone they’re with, do they?” Patrick shook his head. “No, they don’t. But when they’re stroked or sucked, they get turned on—it’s a base physical reaction. Now think about this. How do you react when I”—he leaned into Patrick’s ear—“start talking softly, like this.” He pitched his voice low like he knew turned Patrick on. “And I start talking about how I love you, love your hot, hard body, love feeling your dick in my mouth, love feeling you slide down on my dick.” He watched Patrick’s shorts and smiled when an obvious lump appeared.

“Fuck, a ghrá….” Patrick moaned.

Chance nipped at the ear he was talking into, reached out, and ran his hand down Patrick’s chest. “Exactly,” he murmured. “I know I turn you on, baby. I know your dick gets hard for me, that you want and prefer me, and that’s what matters. Do you love me?”

“Fuck yes,” Patrick answered without hesitation.

“Well, then there’s your answer. It matters that you’ll come home with me, we’ll have fucking amazing sex, and fall asleep together.” He brushed a bit of Patrick’s hair to the side and kissed the exposed neck. “Hmm. Maybe you just need to fill my ass with that big dick of yours and fuck me until you can’t think of anyone else.”

He saw Patrick’s cock jump almost at the same time his own did. The remembered feel of it, the thought of it, had his dick filling fast. He let his hand move a little farther and curled around the lump under the fabric, massaging it slowly.

“Oh fuck, a ghrá.” Chance watched Patrick struggle for breath; then he spoke again. “Is that all you think about? Sex?”

“Hmm, with you?” Chance asked, nipping at the ear again. Then he let go of Patrick’s cock and took hold of Patrick’s chin and tugged. Patrick looked up at him. “No. I love sex with you—no one has ever felt as good as you do, in any way—but I’d be content just holding you. Watching movies or whatever, I don’t care. I love you. You’ve got a fucking amazing body, baby, but it’s you that I love.”

Patrick smiled and shifted, turning around and leaning over Chance. “Good. I just… needed to hear that. Look, uh… whatever happens tomorrow, I’m sorry, okay? I… I’m not going into it to, uh, get laid or anything. I mean….” He shrugged one shoulder. “Maybe there’ll be so many people and Jack will be so particular that I won’t even get turned on a little bit.”

Chance smiled. “I doubt it. Angelo’s done a sex scene before in front of Jack. And I know that Jack prefers a closed set. Don’t feel bad,” he added when Patrick swallowed and looked down. Chance tilted his face back up. “It’s okay. Just remember that I love you, and I know that you love me.”

Patrick looked at him for a long moment, then nodded. “Okay. I love you too. I’m sorry, I just….”

“No sorry.” Chance smiled. “I know. Now, does that mean I don’t get your cock?”

Patrick dove in as an answer, and in seconds, they were kissing, Patrick’s tongue sliding along Chance’s lower lip. He opened his mouth, drawing in that amazing taste. He felt Patrick buck against him, and he could feel and taste a bit of desperation in Patrick.

Chance cupped Patrick’s face, pouring everything into the kiss, doing everything possible to give Patrick what he needed. Chance wished he could put his own feelings away, forget his own worries and fears about the next day. But the whole thing had just played too big a part in their lives so far.

He did his best to push the worries aside, knowing they’d crop up again when he settled down to sleep, but he was grateful, at least, that they could sleep together. Working to forget them, he ran his hands down Patrick’s chest and around to cup the amazing ass and pull until Patrick was grinding into him. Both of them were quite hard, and Chance decided he didn’t have the patience for slow.

Chance tugged at Patrick’s T-shirt, then pulled it off when he moved out of the way. Patrick returned the favor, and in only another minute or so, their clothes were scattered, their hands moving over each other’s naked bodies, and their lips fused again in another sanity-stealing kiss. Chance loved it, loved the fact that he couldn’t think much, could only focus on his lover.

Patrick started moving, rubbing their cocks together, and Chance moaned to encourage him, too lost in the kisses, in the touches, to give any other kind of verbal response. He added his own movements to the mix and was rewarded with a loud groan from Patrick and a “Fuck, a ghrá!”

“Mmm, yes, baby…,” Chance murmured after breaking the kiss. He tilted his head, going for Patrick’s neck, and bit down. “Hmm… probably shouldn’t do too much of that.”

“Makeup” was all Patrick could seem to say, and it was enough for Chance, who latched back onto his neck and sucked hard. Someday, maybe, he could mark Patrick in another way, like with rings, but that was well in the future. Right now, there was a visceral part of him that wanted, needed, to mark Patrick as his somehow.

When he pulled back, he gave a fierce grin at the very red mark that was likely to be nicely purple the next morning. Chrissy would kill them, making more work for her, but he didn’t care. Instead, he worried about giving Patrick what he needed, helping his lover put the fears away.

When it was over, he simply couldn’t move. Patrick stayed buried inside of him for a long moment, arms wrapped around him, kisses trailing over his back. He reached back and took one of Patrick’s hands, their fingers threading.

“Thank you, a ghrá,” Patrick whispered into Chance’s back.

Chance shifted until Patrick was out, then turned and tugged Patrick into his arms. “You’re welcome, love,” he murmured, dropping soft kisses on Patrick’s face. “How about we get cleaned up and go to bed?”

“I’d like that. I think I’d like to spend some time just… holding,” he whispered.

Chance smiled. “Nothing better in the world, baby.”

* * *

You can read more about Patrick and Chance in No Sacrifice from Dreamspinner Press or at Amazon, B&N, or All Romance ebooks!

And don’t forget to check out the rest of the blog hop!

5 Comments

  1. Sarah_Madison Sarah_Madison
    November 9, 2014    

    An excellent beginning to what I know will be a fascinating experience! Thank you so much for putting this together! 🙂 I think where most of us have trouble understanding the part where religion can’t seem to keep its nose out of our bedrooms is that there are people out there who honestly believe that the struggling economy and all their personal financial woes are as a direct result of sinners in their midst. That we’d all be living in the land of milk and honey if we could just outlaw–or stone–the sinners among us. Kind of scary when you look at it that way, huh? But that’s how some people see it. And of course, their definition of sinner encompasses almost everyone except themselves…

  2. JenCW JenCW
    November 9, 2014    

    Thank you for putting this blog hop together, Grace! I think you are absolutely correct, and I have no understanding as to why people think it’s any of their business who has what kind of sex. If you intruded on their sex lives, they’d be the loudest to protest and complain that you were impinging on their life and choices. I’m starting to think that people have lost any perspective and think that everyone else’s life is within their right to judge. It’s annoying and I’m sick of it.

  3. November 10, 2014    

    I think what is so infuriating about the issue of women and sex is that it’s based on women being goods. Which maybe six centuries ago had some context, but wear’s rather thin in the 21st century. That’s right: something to be sold to the highest bidder. If you’ve had sex, it’s like you got a gigantic mud clod in the middle of your forehead. You’re damaged “goods.” I think that is why rape culture is so prevalent, because there is this underlying message, subtle and pervasive, that women are goods. Just like a T.V. doesn’t have any rights if you pick it up at Best Buy and throw it in your car, women are basically the same. We are inert once we’ve been “purchased.” Can you feel the rage across the internet as I write this?

  4. November 13, 2014    

    Thank you for your truthful words, Grace. I only wish that those who really need to read this would, and that they’d finally understand that it’s not THEIR choice but ours to have sex with who ever we want to and as many times as we want to. There are people who are so blinded by their religion and what their pastor spews in church that they can’t see anything past that and dedicate their lives to hammering their believes in others.
    Just the other day two women knocked on my sister’s door (I live with her temporarily until we do a closing on a house). They were unlucky I was the one answering. When I saw their bible stuck on their armpit and they started saying something about god I rolled my eyes, said UGH and slammed the door on their faces. My sister didn’t appreciate it but I didn’t give a damn. I don’t go to their doors talking about gay romance, I don’t want them knocking on mine trying to shove their religion down my throat.
    I feel sorry for these people’s children for we all know some of them do have LGBT kids. I can only imagine what goes through their minds, the poor things.
    I’m really glad you shared this with us and we need to spread the word that sex with a willing partner is a healthy act, be it with someone we know, someone we love or even a stranger. After all, sex releases stress and is a great exercise 😉 All I wish to remind everyone is to be safe, always wear a ‘helmet’.

  5. November 13, 2014    

    We’ve talked about this a lot, so I’ll just say thank you for organizing the blog hop and this post is excellent. You touch on a lot of important things for people to think about.

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