Last week, I talked about one of the songs that influence my upcoming novel, No Sacrifice, “Streets of Philadelphia” from Bruce Springsteen. This week, I’d like to follow up with a bit about another song from the same scene in the book, “Lullaby” by Nickelback. It fits in with my participation in the Hop Against Homophobia and Transphobia that I started on Saturday.

This song, like so many others, has had major importance to me. Hit play, while I explain:

Lyrics to “Lullaby” here.

The video shows a man who’s dealing with the loss of his wife from childbirth. The song itself talks about suicide, which is something that I have dealt with on and off for many, many years (too many, though I maintain that one suicide is one too many). I’ve lost two friends directly, one of which I found after he did it, many years ago. I swore I’d never consider it, always got angry when someone else mentioned it.

And yet, since then,… I’ve struggled with it myself. I fight with depression from many things, most of which are outside the scope of this blog post. What IS part of it is that I, too, deal with homophobia.

Yup. Me. No, I’m not homosexual. I’m bisexual, and I take just as much shit. So, it’s biphobia, but it’s no different except… I’m “lucky” in that my partner is the opposite sex. But I take crap from other people for that very thing. Because I can “be straight” and, therefore, I don’t have any of the problems they do. So the hate directed at me sometimes comes from two directions: the straight community and the gay/lesbian community. Which, to me, is one of he saddest things in the world. Someone who has received that kind of hate, giving it to another person.

In No Sacrifice, Chance sings this on a special night. Like me, Chance has lost a friend to suicide. The friend, Doug, got kicked out as a teenager when he came out to his parents. We’ve heard of that sort of thing way too often. Well, Doug tries to live on friends’ couches and on the generosity of their parents as much as he could. I can tell you from exprience, that gets old fast. Especially if you’re not yet 18, just like Doug. Just like I was. I won’t spoil all of Doug’s story. Chance tells it much more eloquently than I could here (if I don’t want to share the whole thing, anyway 😉 ).

The Trevor Project is a program aimed at helping LGBTQ youth avoid suicide. Chance talks about it in the book and a portion of the royalties from No Sacrifice will go to The Trevor Project. I wish I could give more, it’s a great program. I wish there’d been something like it when my friend died back in high school. Back then, they had no idea what to do with suicide. I think, unfortunately, too many places still don’t.

“Lullaby” is one of those songs I turn to a lot when the depression and crap gets to me. As hard as it is to listen to (and harder still to watch the video. I just did and bawled again.), it does remind me that people are out there that do want me around, that do care about me. People whose world would be very gray without me. It’s hard for me to say that about myself but it’s true and this song is good for reminding me of that.

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“Lullaby” is from the “Here and Now” album © 2012 and is property of Nickleback and Roadrunner Records.