Hop Against Homophobia and Transphobia

Welcome to the Hop Against Homophobia and Transphobia (or welcome back, if I’m not the first stop on your way…), sparked by the International Day Against Homophobia and Transphobia.hopagainsthomophobia

First things first, at the bottom of the post, you’ll find a link that takes you over to the main HAHAT page (since WordPress likes to strip scripts. :/). From there, you can find lots of other posts with LOTS of other stories surrounding Homophobia and Transphobia from some amazing authors, artists and the like. It’s worth the visit!

Next, I will be giving away an e-book copy of any of my titles. If, by chance, you’ve got them all, I will, for the Hop only, reserve a copy of my upcoming title, No Sacrifice instead. For US visitors, I will also ship some cool (if I do say so myself) swag of your choice!

I plan to address a number of my posts this week to homophobia and hate, so be sure to check back each day. Every comment made on any of my HAHAT posts qualifies as an entry. Look for the HAHAT badge.

My week this week has been a roller coaster of emotion. It started out rough with a disagreement that blindsided me. I bottomed out with depression on Tuesday, and struggled through the day. I did have a number of wonderful people post to support me and that helped. Time, really, is what pulls me further out of depression than anything. But I digress (I’m good at that, though you guys very likely know that already). So, when I got up on Wednesday, I was doing better, feeling more like I could tackle the day (and life). I loaded up facebook (as is my wont first thing) and started paging through. And ran across a picture from someone I follow.


Look at those two and tell me they’re not in love. I dare you. And that is one of THE most beautiful things in the world. (Photo courtesy of Jesse’s facebook page. Used by permission.)

See, I follow two lovely adult actors on facebook (and in their various other spots) who are married. Jesse Jackman and Dirk Caber have a beautiful relationship. Their feelings for each other would be obvious to a blind man; they’re quite in love and it shows.

But they get a lot of crap, especially coupled with their professions, but mostly it’s because of who they love. Their stuff is often reported for being offensive (and I certainly have experience with that as my pics of Pablo alone have garnered that reaction, even when the poor boy is dressed!), though nothing is ever shown–except for their lips touching (well, hugging, possible bare chest… you get the idea).

I mean... fully dressed at the gym? (Another from Jesse's fb page.)

I mean… fully dressed at the gym? (Another from Jesse’s fb page.)

This week, that’s taken an even nastier turn. I’m sure Jesse and Dirk are no strangers to hate. The vast majority of us aren’t. Living within the spectrum means we’ll see it. But there’s hate and then there’s ridiculous. Apparently, “offensive” wasn’t enough for some people. I suspect the things they were reporting weren’t getting pulled. So, instead, they’ve decided to claim Jesse (and Dirk, I believe) are now… abusive.

Yeah, right.

In all I’ve seen and read from both of them, neither of them have ever even approached abusive, and I’m sure anyone who takes even a cursory glance at their pages will agree. All this is intended to do is to make him (and his husband) miserable. Why?

Because they’re gay. That’s it. That’s all. And it’s infuriating.

Well, I got angry. I’m not the activist I’d like to be (mostly because I struggle enough to get through everything else I have to do) but sometimes, I see something that just pushes me past my limits (and my limits are pretty high, I promise you!) and the more I read about this, the angrier I got. And I just knew I couldn’t keep my mouth shut.

I am tired of my morality being dictated for me by someone who has no business sticking their nose where it doesn’t belong. And if they don’t want to see Dirk and Jesse’s beautiful relationship, that’s their choice. But it is not their choice to keep me from seeing it, if I want to. I invited people to simply walk away if it’s something they don’t want to see. And I sort of, uh, went off about it.

It apparently got Jesse’s attention and the wonderful person that he is, he shared my status on his page. It brought any number of people over to my profile and page (THANK YOU JESSE!) and I got so many wonderful likes, comments and shares on it. And the neat thing about it is the few comments people left on the shares that were less than positive… were immediately responded to with intelligent, well-worded arguments. Nothing ugly, just good discussion. And by the time I went to bed Wednesday night, I was feeling really good about the whole thing. I saw a few people say they went back to Jesse’s page from mine and liked him (or re-liked him) and I was so glad to know that maybe, just maybe, I helped a little.

But then I get online yesterday to see their fight continues. Apparently, since the “abusive” reports started, the likes on their pages have stopped (and even gone down). I have no idea for sure why or what’s going on, but this kind of thing needs to end.

Jesse and Dirk are so public because of who they are. But they are only a public example of so many people who go through something similar. I have a… dubious benefit because I am married to an opposite-sex partner. I say dubious because it just happened to turn out that way. I am bisexual. I could have fallen in love with a woman and every one of my wedding pictures or vacation pictures could have been just as “offensive” to someone as these two men are. It’s got to stop.

Homophobia is a misnomer. It’s not a “phobia” at all. It’s hate, pure and simple. Hate for something that has no business being hated. Love is beautiful, it’s something we should all be celebrating. Like Jesse and Dirk, we should be happy for them, that they found someone that works so well with them. That they are (aside from the hate) happy. I mean, look at this:

Jesse & Dirk for Titanmen.com. Warning, link goes to titenmen, a very NSFW site.

Jesse & Dirk courtesy of Titan Media. Warning, link goes to TitanMen, a very NSFW site.

Okay, yeah, it’s a still from their movie and they’re actors, but even so, their feelings for each other still come through. And I just can’t find any way to see that as anything other than beautiful.

To see more from Jesse, check these out: Jesse’s facebook page, JesseJackman.xxx (NSFW) and Jesse writing @ Huffpost. For Dirk: Dirk’s facebook page & Dirkcaber.com (Where I nearly got lost reading instead of writing my post!). And just so you know, there IS quite a bit more than just “porn” on their sites. Both of them are intelligent, articulate men with interesting things to say. So, go show these lovely men some support! Give them some likes and say hi. I’m sure they’d appreciate it. It’s a small thing you can do to help fight the hate. Show those on fb and other places that they can say what they want about Jesse and Dirk, but both will still have fans, in the end.

Tomorrow is my Sexy Snippet Sunday post. Not directly HAHAT related, but I do hope you’d enjoy it. However, Music Monday and Tease Me Tuesday most definitely will be part of the hop. So be sure to stop back!

And for more from the Hop Against Homophobia and Transphobia, go to the HAHAT Main page.

And just because it’s so gorgeous, one more from the sweet, sexy men:

Courtesy of Jesse's fb page, used by permission.

Courtesy of Jesse’s fb page, used by permission.

Thanks for reading and please feel free to let me know what you think! Tell me, aren’t those men just sexy, gorgeous and beautifully in love?



  1. May 17, 2014    

    Great post, Grace. Thanks for joining us on the HAHAT this year. Hugs.

    • Grace Grace
      May 18, 2014    

      I’m glad to do it! I’m actually sorry I missed it last year. I hope to keep going on it. 🙂 *hugs*

  2. Rod B Rod B
    May 17, 2014    

    Great post & giveaway.

    • Grace Grace
      May 18, 2014    

      Thanks! Glad to see you!

  3. May 17, 2014    

    thanks for your post about Jesse and Dirk…I’ve added both (and checked their websites as well)


    • Grace Grace
      May 18, 2014    

      Awesome! Those two lovely men definitely deserve our support. 🙂

  4. May 17, 2014    

    Great post! I haven’t been the activist I would like to be and I think if I was in your situation about two people you care deeply about I would have done as you did. Kudos for taking a stand!

    humhumbum AT yahoo DOT com

    • Susan Susan
      May 18, 2014    

      I too wish I were more of an activist, so kudos for taking a stand! I just don’t understand how people feel their view of the world is the only right one when it is full of hate.

      • Grace Grace
        May 18, 2014    

        The only thing I can think (and I’m being too generous here, I’m sure of it) is that these people maybe just don’t realize how hateful they sound? I don’t know, I’ve never understood it, mnyself. All I think we can do is keep speaking out against it and remind those who receive it that we support them.

    • Grace Grace
      May 18, 2014    

      Thanks so much! I do wish I had the time and energy to do more. It sounds like an excuse, but it really isn’t. I firmly believe, in the end, that we have to take care of ourselves first, but sometimes, I even put that aside when it’s needed. I felt this was one of those times. Thanks for stopping by!

  5. machurch00 machurch00
    May 18, 2014    

    Great post, and way to go you for standing up for them! 🙂 It’s saddening they have to put up with stuff like that.

    nomoretears00 (at) hotmail (dot)com

    • Grace Grace
      May 18, 2014    

      Thanks! It IS saddening. I know that hate is never going to go away entirely. As fallible human beings, we’re going to have differences. I just wish people would learn to keep their mouths SHUT about the differences they don’t like. *sigh*

  6. Denise Dechene Denise Dechene
    May 18, 2014    

    Great post. Interestingly enough I happened on Jesse”s fb page due to a picture. Alicia White is an author I follow and she had posted a picture of Jesse. I thought he was quite good looking, and because it had a link I followed it. I don’t watch a lot of porn, gay or straight, so I had no idea who he was (hangs head and blushes). Anyway, I was on Jesse’s page and read a few of his posts and looked around. Then went to Dirks page and did the same. I found nothing at all offensive or abusive in either. Of course there were links to their blogs and to Titan Men, but that is to be expected. I was angry by some of the things Jesse and Dirk have had to endure because of who the are and who they love. I have liked both their pages since.
    I agree with you about people trying to dictate who we follow, love or disagree with. If I want their opinion I’ll ask them.

  7. Jen CW Jen CW
    May 18, 2014    

    Wow! They are gorgeous and clearly so love! Thank you for sharing all of this on the blog hop. As soon as I’m done here I’m going to their Facebook and websites to help support them too.


  8. stella stella
    May 18, 2014    

    they are so beautiful and so in love!!!! you’ve done right to stand up for them

    cvale1 AT virgilio DOT com

  9. Trix Trix
    May 18, 2014    

    I didn’t know Jesse and Dirk before now, but they seem awesome–and so are you for stepping up!


  10. Ray Ray
    May 19, 2014    

    They look beautifully in love. Thanks for writing about them.

  11. James James
    May 19, 2014    

    I really enjoy your blog…..I to follow both Jesse and Dirk on Facebook and Twitter and I have NOTHING but respect for both. All of these report of abuse and crap are soooo stupid and there is nothing offending about them kissing at the gym….and it gets under my skin.
    I support both Jesse and Dirk 100% all the way….and ALL the power to them for being who they are as a married couple…who wants to share with the world their love 🙂

  12. May 19, 2014    

    yes they are, i dont know why pple got to hate, they dont show anything, i follow jesse on facebook, and i find nothing wrong with his and dirks pictures

  13. kim thorne kim thorne
    May 19, 2014    

    this articule is so well written and jesse and dirk are so great together they are talented, sweet ,loving smart. just wonderful.

  14. Sadonna Sadonna
    May 19, 2014    

    Excellent post. I’ve been impressed with both of these men. As you say, they are talented (in many areas), articulate, and from what I’ve observed non-judgmental and completely nice guys. And why should their pictures on their pages be reported as anything? Ridiculous! I’ve seen them a public appearances and they just seem like genuinely nice people who are in no way deserving of this kind of treatment.

    Good on you for calling this out!

  15. Deborah H Deborah H
    May 19, 2014    

    Great post & giveaway. & I’m looking at their pages now too! 🙂

  16. michelle michelle
    May 19, 2014    

    I hadn’t heard of Jesse and Dirk but just spent some time on their fb pages. Thanks for speaking up.


  17. Rissa Rissa
    May 20, 2014    

    Great Post! I also follow Jesse and Dirk on FB and have seen what they’ve been dealing with. You’re ‘rant’ was spot on!! I love when these guys update and fill us in on what their up to.
    Thanks again!

  18. May 20, 2014    

    Thank you for the post and the chance to win.

  19. May 20, 2014    

    Thanks, Grace. You’re right, in some cases it’s pure, undiluted hate. But in the end hate never wins. We need to keep believing this.

  20. May 20, 2014    

    THanks for being part of the hop. rojoroaors@yahoo.com

    • May 20, 2014    

      How someone else lives their life is no one else’s business! Life is hard enough as it is. Where ever we can find joy we should be able to partake of it. Thanks for speaking out! lena.grey.iam@gmail.com

  21. Cornelia Cornelia
    May 21, 2014    

    Thanks for your post and hop.

  22. May 21, 2014    

    Thank you for sharing these men’s story and for telling about their love.

  23. Shirley Ann Speakman Shirley Ann Speakman
    May 21, 2014    

    Great post and what a wonderful couple it sad what they have to put up just because they love each other. Love is love.


  24. Juliana Juliana
    May 22, 2014    

    Thank you for participating!
    OceanAkers @ aol.com

  25. May 23, 2014    

    Thanks for taking part in the hop!


  26. May 24, 2014    

    Excellent post Grace! Thank you for the chance to enter and for participating in the hop! wendynjason04@gmail.com

  27. sherry1969 sherry1969
    May 24, 2014    

    Loved the post and yes they are very sexy and a great looking couple.
    sstrode at scrtc dot com

  28. Jason Jason
    May 24, 2014    

    A well written post about an all to common situation. Thank you Grace for putting in words what some of us only think.

No Pings Yet

  1. Hop Against Homophobia and Transphobia | ScuttlebuttReviews on May 19, 2014 at 6:31 am

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Subscribe to Grace's Blog via Email

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email. By clicking "Subscribe" you agree with the storage and handling of your data by this website.

Join 3,086 other subscribers