Major (capital “M”) angst and have tissues at the ready for this story.
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Ian sat bolt upright in bed. He had tears streaming down his cheeks, his hands were shaking and he couldn’t seem to focus on anything. He kept seeing the sink in the kitchen with the suds and the water running where his best friend had been the night they’d gotten the call about Hayden. Where, in his dream, Kane wasn’t.
He felt hands on him and he knew them. Knew those hands. Not Hayden’s hands, they were Kane’s hands, his best friend. He rolled into the arms and let them wrap around him, whimpers escaping from his throat. “I’m here, Ian. I’m okay. Shhh.” Kane’s comforting voice drifted to him.
The world started to right itself and settle into place then when he felt Kane touching him and his tears slowed. Kane was running a hand over his back, then smoothing his hair down, all while dropping kisses on his head. Ian’s breathing steadied, his heart slowed back to a normal pace and he could begin to think clearly again.
What the hell had that been?
He snuggled further into his friend, seeking the scent, the warmth that was Kane. He tried to figure out the dream, tried to understand what that had been about, but he couldn’t quite sort it out. The biggest thing that kept at him, the thing that bothered him the most was the fear. It had hurt to think about Hayden again, no doubt about that, but it was even worse at the thought of losing Kane.
And not because it was in addition to losing Hayden. No. The fear was so sharp because he’d been thinking of losing Kane instead of Hayden.
They were best friends. That’s why, that was all. That was what he told himself, anyway; then he pushed the thought away the best he could and instead concentrated on the solid heartbeat under his ear, on the arms around him.
“Kane…” he whispered not knowing the fear was leaking through his voice and he felt the lips on the top of his head.
“Ian. Are you okay?” Kane asked.
He nodded against the chest, tightening his arms around his friend. “I am now.”
“Do you remember it? Do you want to talk about it?” Kane asked.
He shook his head. “No, not really. I don’t remember much of it at all and I’m not sure what it means.”
“Want to tell me what you do remember?”
He wasn’t being entirely truthful and he knew it. He didn’t quite know why he didn’t want to tell Kane what had been there at the end of his dream, what he’d been so afraid of. So again, Ian shook his head. “I’d rather just try to forget about it.”
Kane didn’t say anything at first, just continued to rub his friend’s back, drop light kisses on the top of his head. Ian thought for a moment that he would call bullshit, but finally, Kane simply asked in a quiet voice, “Would you like help forgetting?”
“Oh God yes.” His breath shuddered out of him. “Kane… need you…” He didn’t pay attention to what he was saying, just knew the relief he felt that it was a dream and it was over. “Need to feel you…” he murmured, dropping kisses along the skin under his face.
Kane tilted his chin up and captured his lips in a kiss that told Ian just how much Kane had figured out. He shoved it away, refusing to face it right then. Instead, he took the comfort, took the touches, took the need and want he felt from Kane and returned it in spades.
They both ghosted their hands over each other’s skin. Their lips met again and again. Ian couldn’t miss the reassurance in the kiss, wouldn’t admit to how much he needed the reminder: they were both alive and both okay. When Ian pushed into Kane a little later and filled him, the world finally felt right again. Everything felt right when he was here, when they were like this. He couldn’t have put a name to that, didn’t quite understand why it was. He just accepted it was so.
He buried his face in the back of Kane’s neck, taking in the scent. He nuzzled the sensitive skin there, savoring the feel of the soft black hair against his face. And when Kane turned his head and their lips met in an awkward, but incredible kiss, it simply reinforced how it all felt, that it seemed just… right.
And then he felt the tremors and muscles clamp down as Kane came, and called Ian’s name. Ian let himself go, shouting Kane’s name into the shoulder under him as his own climax took him. Somewhere along the way, he wrapped his arms around Kane and Kane wrapped his around Ian’s. They fell to their sides, Ian curled tightly around Kane’s back and he stayed there, still inside, still connected, neither willing to change that as they drifted off to sleep.