Major (capital “M”) angst and have tissues at the ready for this story.
Find Part 1 here * Find Part 2 here * Find Part 3 here * Find Part 4 here * Find Part 5 here * Find Part 6 here * Find Part 7 here * Find Part 8 here * Find Part 9 here * Find Part 10 here * Find Part 11 here * Find Part 12 here * Find Part 13 here
Kane shifted a little and sat back, pulling Ian up to him so that his friend was riding him. He gave over control and let Ian take what he needed, what he wanted. The brown eyes met his and he leaned forward, their lips meeting, connecting them in one more place. When they broke apart, Ian whispered, “Kane…” and Kane couldn’t the need, the want, the gratitude, and so much more that he couldn’t have figured out even if he wasn’t so far gone in that moment. It was all in there, in that single whisper of his name and his arms tightened briefly around Ian.
Then they moved together, and after all the times they’d shared pleasure, even if it wasn’t penetrative sex, Kane knew the look on Ian’s face. He knew Ian was working to bring him as much pleasure, to give to him as much as he wanted to give to Ian. Kane leaned back slightly, his arms going up Ian’s back and hands on his friend’s shoulders. Ian’s head fell back, face twisting at the change in position. Kane rocked up into him as he moved, and their moans merged into one long, low sound of need.
And then Kane’s own body took over for him and the tension built fast. The body over him—Ian’s body—felt so incredible, he couldn’t think any longer. He rocked his hips, pumping into Ian as he rode Kane, the tight heat almost too much. It blindsided him, the pleasure, his climax, in just how swiftly it happened. “Oh God… Ian!” Kane nearly shouted as it hit, slamming into Ian and rendering Kane senseless, the only other sounds he made wordless grunts. He felt a bite on his neck and the pain drew his orgasm out, stretched it until he was blind and deaf.
Ian buried his face in Kane’s neck and when he felt Kane tense, then jerked, raising him up off of his knees, he held on. He was close, so incredibly close and when he felt the spasms, felt Kane’s orgasm, it triggered his own. “Oh God,” he choked out, then bit down on the neck under his lips giving himself over to the fire and pleasure crashing through his body. He shuddered with it, lost completely to it, releasing his shouts into Kane’s wet, hot skin.
When it was over, they held onto each other for a few moments, both panting hard. Ian nuzzled Kane’s neck over the mark he’d left and Kane’s arms tightened around Ian. They both dropped kisses, brushed their fingers and lips across each other’s skin. Gave light touches Ian knew were meant to soothe as they calmed down.
Kane laid Ian back carefully, not pulling out just yet, and Ian was glad for it. He wasn’t quite ready to lose that connection. Kane came with him, and Ian tightened his arms tightening Kane, keeping his face still buried in Kane’s neck. Ian’s breathing came out in shudders and he struggled to hold it all in. He was sure Kane was worried they’d just made things worse for Ian.
Ian swallowed hard, working to hold the emotions back. That had been everything he’d needed and wanted and then some. He’d felt things both toward and from Kane, things he didn’t understand, things he couldn’t quite figure out. And he wasn’t capable of figuring them out then.
He was too busy fighting the guilt that, now that it was done, wanted to take over. Had they made it worse?
He clung to Kane, both wanting more of that touch, more of anything from him and wanting to push him away and cling instead to the guilt and memories. Kane started to move and Ian whispered, “Don’t… please… just a little bit longer.”
Kane nodded and settled in a little more. The weight felt good on Ian, the warmth of this person, his best friend. Kane kissed his shoulder, brought one hand up to play with his hair and he closed his eyes again, savoring the soothing gestures.
He couldn’t let it guilt him, wouldn’t do that. Not yet, at least. He didn’t want to ruin this, didn’t want to take what Kane had done for him and toss it back in Kane’s face. He wanted to show instead how much it meant. He turned his head and brushed his mouth over the side of Kane’s face. Kane turned his head, meeting Ian’s lips and Ian couldn’t miss the emotions pouring through the kiss. Couldn’t stop himself from giving them back.
He had no idea how long they lay there, with just those light kisses and touches. He couldn’t bring himself to care, either. He pulled back finally and looked up into Kane’s eyes. “Thank you.”
Kane’s arms tightened around him. “Thank you. For letting me help, letting me do something.”
Ian nodded and Kane moved off of him. He settled in against his best friend, his head tucking once more under Kane’s chin and they simply lay there together for a long while in silence, arms around each other, both heads filled with chaotic thoughts.
Finally, Kane’s arms tightened around Ian. “Mom’s going to be cooking soon and Kenji’ll be here before too long. We should get up.”
Ian nodded and pulled back. “Yeah.” He sighed and looked up at his best friend. “Thank you. Again.”
Kane pushed the brown hair back. “You’re welcome. Thank you.” At Ian’s puzzled look, he shrugged one shoulder. “It’s not like I didn’t get anything out of it.” He smirked a little at Ian’s snort. “But I’m glad I could help in some way. It was certainly a pleasant way to help too.” He waggled his eyebrows.
Ian laughed, the sound loud and odd in his ears. He was laughing! No! He’s not supposed to do that! The smile faded from his face and he swallowed hard. “Could… would you mind if I showered first?”
Kane shook his head, frowning. “No, go ahead.”
Ian nodded and paused briefly, looking Kane over. He dropped a light kiss on Kane’s lips before slipping out of bed. He grabbed his pajama pants and last night’s t-shirt to cover the mess on him, and hurried out of the room.
Kane watched him leave and let out a long sigh. He rolled onto his back and rubbed his hands over his face then dropped them and stared at the upper bunk. How the hell did he handle all of this? And what was that, anyway? Even he knew that wasn’t a straight fuck.
And it wasn’t just pity or grief or anything else like that, either. There was something else there, something that reminded him a lot of what it had been like between the two of them before Hayden had ever entered the picture. He remembered the feelings he’d had when they’d kissed those few times, the first times they’d touched each other.
That had been there this time too. And he didn’t think it was just on his side.
It didn’t matter. Whatever it was, whatever it had been, it wasn’t something he could do anything with or about. They’d had sex, he’d helped Ian forget, ignore his pain for a while and that’s all Kane wanted.
Or, at least, all he’d admit to. He flat refused to admit that he wanted Ian to want him for him and not because he was grieving and just needed someone. He wouldn’t admit that want was sharper than anything he’d felt for a very long time.
His mind drifted to Kenji. Maybe they weren’t boyfriends, but he did have to think about Kenji too. He said he didn’t mind if Kane did something with Ian if he needed it, but outside of that, they had kept to each other. And he didn’t think it meant he should necessarily have sex with Ian all the time, either, though he didn’t know, for sure.
He sighed. Too complicated. Life had gotten way too complicated too fast. He missed how things had been just a little over a year ago when it was just about tentative touches and mutual jacking off. The first attempts at oral. He wished he could go back to then, before crushes and boyfriends and death and grief.
He shook his head at himself. He didn’t really know where all of that came from, but it was time to forget about it. He took a few deep breaths and closed his eyes to try to relax until Ian was done.