Major (capital “M”) angst and have tissues at the ready for this story.
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Ian swallowed hard, nodded, and leaned in again, the lips that were so damned familiar lending the kind of touch he so badly needed. He recognized and remembered that fluttering in his belly that had so characterized their first kisses together. And when he could let go of Hayden like this for these few minutes, he could simply enjoy that flutter and anticipation.
He allowed himself to accept the kisses, give them back, feel the touches, the palms and fingertips ghosting over his skin. He found himself just as aroused as he could tell Kane was. But his heart shied away from doing more, regardless of what his body wanted.
But the more they touched, the more they kissed, the more his body demanded. He pulled back briefly, taking a moment to just breathe. Could he? Should he? Maybe…
Hayden wouldn’t want you to do this to yourself, to deny yourself.
That thought brought a confusing combination of sadness and sanity. No, Hayden wouldn’t want that and Ian knew it. He closed his eyes. “He’s gone. He’s gone and I’m not. I’m alive and I’m human and oh God, I need…”
He didn’t realize he’d spoken out loud until Kane brushed some of the hair back from his face. “That’s right, Ian. You’re not gone. You’re alive and you deserve to live.”
Ian took a deep breath, swallowed once more then shifted back a little. Keeping his eyes on his best friend, he slid his hand between them. He brushed the back of his fingers over Kane’s erection. Kane closed his eyes and inhaled sharply. “Ian…” he whispered.
Swallowing the last of his doubts, Ian slipped his hand under the waistband of Kane’s boxers and wrapped his fist around Kane’s length. Kane’s hand went to Ian’s cock, they started stroking and Ian closed his eyes. “Oh God, Kane that feels good.” The moan was louder than it should be, but he couldn’t bring himself to care.
Simple touch. Just this little bit. A hand on his cock and he was already more than a little crazy.
But he realized he was okay with it. He might regret it later, but he’d face that then. He knew what he wanted, what he needed. He opened his eyes again and licked his lips. “Kane…” he started and Kane’s dark eyes focus on his face. “Please… Will you… I want… Um…,” he stuttered through it, but it was obvious when Kane got it when his eyebrows went up, so Ian closed his mouth.
“Are you sure?” Kane asked, watching Ian’s face carefully. Ian closed his eyes for one brief moment and then nodded.
Kane wasted no time. He pulled at Ian’s sleep pants and had them off and his mouth around Ian’s cock in what could have only been counted in seconds. “OH GOD, Kane!” Ian nearly shouted, stuffing his fist in his mouth at the last moment. He seriously did not need to let his mother know what they were doing. Having accepted this, allowing himself this kind of pleasure, he really did not want to stop and give himself a chance to rethink it.
Still, he couldn’t hold in the grunts, moans, and near shouts into the fist he was still biting on. He threaded the other hand through the black hair and pulled the way he knew Kane liked him to, as he was blessedly, blessedly lost in sensation. Kane took no prisoners, he had no hesitation, was obviously giving everything he could, everything he knew it all into pleasuring Ian.
“Kane… Oh God, Kane more. I want you. Please…” The last word came out with a whine but he couldn’t care.
Kane moved up along his body, capturing his lips again and pinning his arms over his head in one hand. With the other, he touched, teased and tormented, driving Ian completely mindless. Low whimpers of pure need and want leaked out, Ian moving and shifting, writhing in an attempt to reach more of that touch, more of the feeling, just more.
Another plea slipped through his lips and Kane let go of his arms to reach under the pillow. Ian was so far gone, Kane had nudge Ian to spread his legs. Ian would have felt embarrassed if he didn’t need so much. He wanted himself like this, unable to think, only feel. He was so hard and aching, and all he could think about was wanting more.
Kane went slow, too slow, as he stretched Ian. Ian didn’t want, couldn’t take slow. He was impatient, moving against Kane’s fingers, begging him to move faster. Kane more growled than said, “Hang on. I’m not going to let you get hurt.”
Ian forced himself to calm down just a little, and did his best to relax himself in an effort to help move things along. Relief filled him when Kane coated his cock finally and started pushing into Ian.
“Oh fuck…” Kane groaned. Ian gave an answering moan, then lifted his legs. He ran his hands to Kane’s upper arms and dug his nails into Kane’s shoulders. When Kane was finally buried, he paused. “God, you feel good. Holy fuck…”
But Ian didn’t want to pause; he didn’t want time to think. Impatient sounds leaked out, even though he was still trying hard to stay quiet. But he desperately needed to keep things going, so he shifted his hips, trying to encourage Kane’ to move.
Kane apparently took the not-so-subtle hint and started thrusting into Ian’s tight body. His moans were wordless and he pulled a pillow to his face since he couldn’t seem to keep them quiet.
Ian pulled the pillow aside just enough, staring up at Kane, his best friend, the one—aside from Hayden—who meant the most in the world to him. Kane’s head was thrown back, eyes squeezed shut, mouth open slightly, and skin flushed. The incredible sight.
And Ian wanted to see it a lot more.
He forcibly shoved away his inner voice, the one that told him it was a betrayal of Hayden, and refocused on the pleasure and need. He turned his attention, instead, to doing everything he could, giving him everything he could to send Kane over the edge.